The Consequence of Beauty
An Essay by: Ashely Thomas
I am vain.
I have put off admitting for much too long. I run a brush through my hair more often than what is necessary I wear clothing that I feel looks beautiful on me no matter the weather, often to consequence of me. And for two whole years I have never left the house without a hint of glitter.
But I am also insecure.
I spend long hours thinking of beauty, how it seems so far out of reach to me, and how I need to work harder to improve on it. Beauty has consumed my life.
Beauty is a world that is introduced to us at a young age. Everywhere you look you cannot be confronted without airbrushed perfection. We know it’s fake, but yet we still yearn for it.
Beauty is a multimillion dollar business that is only growing as the world’s craze for impossible perfection grows stronger. Everyday new products are released to enhance, to restore, or to create splendor. When we spend the money focusing on our own looks; which too shows a sign of weakness.
While of course many of us won’t go as far as too call ourselves vain for owning lip gloss, vanity often begins in the most subtle of ways. Purchase one beauty product, perhaps one more, and some more next week, and pretty soon you have fallen into vanity’s clutches.
For many of us though, vanity can also be a sign of insecurity.
This is where I come in.
Many of us who eventually fall to the path of vanity do so not by choice, but by the influence of those around them. Bullying experiences in the past lead me to this path. I believe that I will not be appealing to eye without glitter, without my hair perfectly done each day, without beautiful clothes. I felt a need to become flawless, I sincerely believed that if I became beautiful the years of torment would cease. Beauty became an obsession, and when I began to see the fruits of my effort flourishing I dived myself deeper, a little bit more makeup to the eye, and a tad more product in my hair, and eliminating all undesirable attire.
Vanity is a disease that once she catches you she will hold on with icy hands. Her following is strong, and her rewards are seductive. She is alive all around us just waiting to capture those who are insecure, and transform them into beasts.
Vanity is the mania of perfection that led to my bulimia.
Every day I push my stomach until empty.
Looking in the mirror to see how much more beautiful I have become.
And I grin like a little girl when I have lost.
Vanity is my greatest enemy, and beauty is my beast. The world goes on around you as you still consumed with your looks and inside you know it is sick, but you still can’t stop. Even if you know you have no one to impress, you find yourself face to face with no one but your own reflection; the person you have seen more than anyone in the world.
Or you find yourself locked in a filthy public bathroom with the smell of filth wafting to your nostrils as you empty your stomach.
Beauty has become hard on my body, I feel the pain with each purge, and feeling like my body is going to die.
When I eventually die.
I see it will be because of beauty.
I will die for beauty.